Life S*ck
That term was alwys in my mind n this week made it pretty clear wat it actually means. Today was Monday which was supposed to be fun I think but it was not at all. In fact, in the morning, I cudn’t even name one reason why I had to go to school. I’d rather stayed at home watching animes. The second one, I also cudn’t find one simple reason why I live, like wat’s d purpose of me, living in this world? Because it seems that d world will b just fine without me. Truthfully, I gotta tell ya, I’m not exactly afraid to die or anything, if it’s my time to go, then I’ll go, if it’s not yet, den I won’t. I wud just follow wat God wants.
Anywy let’s start by Saturday. From d morning till d evening, everything was totally fine, but in d night, my dad n I got into a HUGE fight, just because I kept anwering wat he said n he was probably upset wid me. In dis case, I felt like a jerk so didn’t really say anything *as usual* but d worst thing is dat, I got lectured d whole time we went home which sux. I almost cried but maybe since I got too used to it, I didn’t hehehe I wondered to myself, why I was such a jerk. N til now, I can’t seem to find d answer. Another worst part: I didn’t feel guilty, not a single guilt was created. I even thought to myself, how come you got mad just because of such simple thing. I was kinda joking anywy n maybe I went a lil too far:P but still, I was still so pissed off because he kept telling d same thing *lecturing me about how bad n annoying I was to him n blablabla* It hurt my hurt, but anywy, dat’s life. N not to be overreacting, but I was actually crying when I wrote thisL
I was in the car while writing dis, n David Archie’s my kind of perfect was played! Man, dis just set d mood.
Anywy, after dat very long night, I then thought again to myself, dat I wanna leave dis house.. I can’t wait to live alone n b free from people. But iguess I kinda regretted wat I said cuz I still luv my fam evnthough things don’t alwys go in my way.
Next morning, my dad wudn’t evn wanna talk to me.it was very pissing me off but I chilled off by not concerning dat fact anymore.
Anywy, moving on to d next day. In the morning, we got a test 4 chem. I was totally nervous since I suck so badly @ chem.. n my prediction came true, d test was so friggin hard n after finishing it, I think I’ll get a 70 or sumthin:P I also answered so many wrong answersT.T
Moving on to the lesson after d break. There was dis lesson called “research n project” n today we were supposed to find an experiment about biology to do d experiment proposal. N dat moment, I messed up again *I think*. my group consist of 2 people, O n T. *let's just use d initials.
anywy, we'd been fooling around since d lesson started n when O started to get serious about finishing it, T n i, instead of being serious n do d work, we fooled around again, n even talked about unnecessary things n apparently, it made O angry.
T n I didn't knw wat 2 do since she had never a friend who was angry wid her n i was extremly bad @ apologizing to people if i didn't feel GUILTY. n he kinda ignored us for d next 2 lessons but weirdly, he turned to himself back in d end.
I think dat he was only angry wid me, since i know dat i was a jerk n mostly everyone doesn't like my attitude. well, dis is me, i've been tryin n wanting to change, but it's just not F*CK*ng working out.
on d way home aftr d guitar lesson, i realized dat probably, noone will ever like me, noone will ever love me because i'm me. i can't say dat i don't particularly care, cuz i kinda do. it hurts when u feel like ur not needed, it hurts when people told u dat they hate u n when we didn't evn knw wat we did wrong n it hurts not to be liked by other people.
I'm obviosly a crybaby person n perhaps dat's wat made me become dis selfish egoistical B*tch..
i wonder n wonder, wat shud i thank God in dis kind of situation, i guess i shud b thanking him dat i'm still alive, but it's not like i don't appreciate for d life i've been given, it's just dat i sometimes think dat mayb if sumone else was born instead of me, my fam n frens wud b happier.
I desperately want to be someone's num 1. i just want to b liked by other people n why is dat so hard to do?i keep messing up, instead of doing d rite thing. i'm horrible to my siblings n i'm definitely not a gud daughter.
i guess life wasn't easy. i got my future waiting in d line, but i still don't evn knw wat am i gonna do later. it's not like i dun care bout my future but u knw when sumtimes ur stuck in an idea n can't evn move on or find new ideas? well, dat's my position. but i still can't imagine myself being a successful n nice person like i've alwys wanted to b.
i guess dat's all 4 today, my eyes hurt n btw, dis is wat my heart is saying rite now. n i'm sorry if its boring..!^!
