The Future Is Waiting For Us...

Yes indeed, nobody can't deny that. The future is something that everyone is waiting for. And nobody knows what's gonna happen in the future, which concerns me even more...

So basically, i'm writing this because i just had an argument with my dad because i asked him something.

Why did i ask? The answer was simple, I was curious.

A few days ago, me and my dad met this agent from AXEL? to discuss about the result of test about my interest and personality 2 weeks ago..

So basically, the test's result was pretty accurate to me, especially about my personality. Not to mention about my interest, which mostly was about my choice of major for university.

It was nutrition/dietitian.. i was pretty happy with the result, since i know i love biology and nutrition but apparently, my dad didn't think so...

On our way back, i asked him about how was the meeting with the agent and stuff. I wondered about what did he think about me being a nutritionist and stuff. And after getting his answer, somehow i just got the impression that he wasn't all agreeing about the whole nutritionist stuff. I stayed silent, the end of discussion.

Moving on today, once again i asked him, why did he thought that being a nutritionist is good? Why did he say so?

And i got all the answer that i need.

Apparently, he was concerned about the tuition, since the agent said that it could be expensive.

He also kept talking about how in here, in my EFFING country, Nutritionists are still not that needed.

Then i answered back furiously, by saying that i don't even wanna live in this pitiful country anymore! I wanna get out of here, as soon as i can! but then he replied by saying stuffs that i didn't even listened anymore...

He was also talking about SOMETHING which practically meant that it didn't matter what kind of job women have, since they would finally end up stay at home and take care of their children.

I was offended. Like how could he say that? He doesn't even know a thing about me! Does he even know that i'm still considering whether i wanna get married or not? How could he know that i would quit my job just to take care of children that i might don't even want to have?

I'm sorry dad, but i'm just not that kind of girl/woman. I'm not an ordinary woman who's willing to do anything just to have a happy family with lots of children.

I don't even know what i want!

I don't even know what does my dad want me to be? A business person like my cousin? Not a chance. Well maybe after seeing me fail, he would actually realize that i can't do business, since i use my feelings A LOT.

but i know what i have to do to survive this cruel adult world. By having a decent job. And i have chosen what i wanna to pursue. What i want to be when i'm an adult.

Maybe, just maybe, i'll change my mind after meeting a guy. But still, i don't wanna be told. I don't care if nobody loves me because of that, but it's my FUCKING LIFE.

I deserve to be happy with my own way.. Maybe i'll have a family, but it doesn't mean i wanna quit my job just because of THAT.

My present self doesn't even like children now.. My friends told me like a thousand times already that my point of view might change after i have a children, but guess wat? I don't have one now and i do k now that i still don't like children even now...

I deeply know that God has a plan for all of us. Even the ones who don't really appreciate life, like myself. So why do i have to be worried? Why do people have to be worried when they know that their lives have already been planned by God. And they should also know that the mighty plan that He has made isn't just a plan, it's a beautiful master plan that God has made to make us happy.

I have been having a motivational problem, since i've been like more than lazy these couple of weeks. And the only thing that i could actually study and have fun at the same time is Biology. I love that subject, i do. And why is it so wrong?

I mean i don't wanna become an artisan, musician, or even actress, i actually wanna be a nutritionist which is actually pretty hard n cool and it just so happens that it's what i love to do. My dad should've been more appreciative, since  didn't choose majors like design, arts n stuff. Since i know that his narrow mind wouldn't believe that such majors would help me survive later in the future.

Sometimes i wonder, would i be appreciated if i were more normal? like other girls? my friends? who actually want children and have a big happy family?

Am i actually right about not wanting any children if i know that i couldn't be able to take care of them? People said that they don't wanna live alone and miserable in the future, so they MAKE children.

Well you know wat, i don't care about that.

Maybe i'll regret this decision SO much later in the future, but i still think that it's pretty selfish if you want to have children just because you don't wanna be alone when ur an elder.

I hope that i can actually find my real reason to have children. I really do hope so.

Am i just too careless to not fear the future? I don't even know if that's wrong or right.

But whatever happens in the future, i'll still appreciate it, i'll try my best to... because i know that it's the story of MY LIFE. and God has made the perfect plan to make it blossom into happiness that i can't even imagine.