Life.

Hiyaa~! it's been such a long time, I KNOW. But apparently laziness has officially taken over my life, like real bad. Well at the very least i'm still able to enjoy my life and survive with all this madness in the world lol. anyway, it's super late already but i really wanna write something up. I've been meaning to write this for in the past, but because i was still very much overwhelmed by the emotion so i decided not to. It's for the best anyway.

Basically now i'm in that situation when someone feels like that person doesn't belong anywhere. And the surrounding is just, awkward. How to say this, but it's the kind of feeling when you feel like isolated even if you're not actually alone. Like there's some kind of a barrier that you can't penetrate between you and others. Or probably we're just that certain kind of people that don't really get along with each other because we're so different. From our sense of humor to our personality. And those differences started the whole barrier thing from the start. And it sucked and sucks.

At least i'm a much stronger person now, emotionally i mean. Usually i easily broke down over stuff like this and it was really pathetic. Sometimes i couldn't even handle the emotion anymore, it was tearing me apart so badly. Most importantly, i became aware that i actually felt really empty inside. *wow that was deep lol*

It was hard living like that and apparently now it's happening again. It's even worse now since most of my close friends are away. But I don't know whether it's me who has finally been disconnected or maybe it's always been like that without me realizing it. While leaving is not on option, and if i actually leave, where can i go anyway? Even if i desperately want to. So i guess i'll just be here for the remaining time until it's finally time to leave. And all i can do now is to stand strong and hold my head high all the time.

Becoming older made me able to think more rationally, i guess. I'm still super sensitive but at least i'm able to control my emotion a LITTLE bit better now. I don't know whether i've actually become a real adult *teehee* or i'm actually changing into a better person than i used to be. It's extremely hard to do this, but i think if i were able to survive this, i would definitely be harder to be defeated  by the harsh living in the real world. *weird sentence but whocares -u-*

To me this hardship is really tough and torturous at the same time, but if i compare it to other teenager's problem it would probably be the least hard. That even adds more reason why this shouldn't be a matter of concern. Definitely.

Just like what the quote says, "life is full of ups and downs". Many problems exist in ways that we can't even imagine. But there's always the light of hope that makes us believe that everything's gonna turn well. And being able to follow that light is the hardest part that we must do. 

Well, that's basically how life works, which makes it really hard to live on.:)

Things can never be the same anymore now. Now i finally able to understand my own feelings. Then also, i constantly repeat to myself that i will finally find something better some time in the future.

Next Stop After Summer Holiday, SCHOOL.

Waaaat up folks! Yes, it is me again and i'm finally back writing somehow.

After experiencing 2 week holiday, i will now tell yall all about it. And before continue reading, i hereby apologize for the boringness that you're about to read because my vacation is just simply LAME. :) and the other stuff that i wrote is even worse:):):)

So Bali was my family's destination for vacationing eventhough i strongly against it. Why? Cause on october, i'll then again go to Bali with my friggin school. *sigh*

But i guess Bali wasn't that bad. Eventhough i personally prefer going to modern cities *obnoxious metropolitan girl* HAHA

n i guess the beaches weren't that bad... But the most enjoyable one was definitely THE VIEW. ;;) *if you know what i mean lol*

aside from Bali, i spent the whole vacation by idling around at home. Basically, all i did was eat, watch, read and sleep. And the consequences of this kind of unhealthy lifestyle is becoming a PIG:)

There is so much to write but i don't wanna make this entry too long and boring so i guess i would just simplify them into several points:

• I'm starting to concern about my future. I still don't know what university i will go to and what major should i pick. It's starting to tear me up pieces by pieces._. GAH i'm so friggin stressed out just thinking about this STUPID MATTER UGH. *dies* i also think that forensic science will probably be an interesting major to study, aside of nutrition ofcoo.
• GOSH school starts already and i am most definitely not EXCITED at all.
• *sigh* my friends back when i was in elementary school have graduated and possibly gone to college while i'm still stuck in THE high school and it's kinda sad really ;_;
• Most of my ex-classmates are also gone for good. Most of them went abroad, leaving me alone in this mighty school. SADDDD AGAIN:(
• I currently have no money like SERIOUSLY. I blame it on my addiction of comic books and other unnecessary spending on the holidays~ 
• I've started to learn how to play tennis and i'm getting better and better! *i think* But i really enjoy playing it anyways and that's all that matter. *eventhough it took me SOME TIME to be able to hit the ball properly*
• Ah, i forgot to write this earlier, but i finally experienced staying overnight at the hospital and being infused. *i don't know if thats the right word, watevs anyway*
• I also got a new glasses since i lost my previous one while i was in bali playing jetski. My dad even said this to me: "WHAT KIND OF PERSON USE GLASSES WHILE PLAYING JET SKI FOR GOD'S SAKES!" lol *pardon the exaggeration*
• I've kind of lost my motivation to study so i decided to buy a new pencil case to lift my spirit up! *don't judge* =D
• My ipod is nowhere to be found until now so yea i think i've lost it..... :'(
• YOUTUBE and MANGAFOX have been such a big part of my holiday. and yes i'm still very much addicted watching Connor Franta's videos. He's my idol and fashion guru!;;)
• I've become so unfaithful on watching american series. Meaning: i only watched half season of a series and ended up not finishing any of it. i guess i got bored very easily..
• There are so many things that i desperately need *i meanwant* but my financial condition doesn't support it. There are headphones, comic books, super cool backpack, a pair of new stiletto, dresses and mostly comic books anyways TEEHEE
• Somehow, my life has turned into some kind of a comic sketch because of the stupidness and embarrassing experienceS i've had recently. Don't ask.. TT~TT

well i guess that's all to tell. Again, I'm sorry if it's really boring... I'm still in no mood of thinking anything besides my mysteriously creepy future. 

Okay folks, enjoy your day and i hope you'll be able to survive this new school year.

HAPPY SCHOOL DAYS~! *yay* *sarcastically*

this is the real ending so bye! HAHAH

Ciaosuuu~!!!

One Night...

It all happened in just one single night. Not everything was bad but the bad things seemed to have overcome the good things..

Sorry for the very depressing intro, but i honestly don't know what am i supposed to do anymore, it's been a fun depressing day...

SO

Tonight was one of my closest friend's birthday celebration. And i happened to be one of the dancer for her party:D

Yes, we're getting to the fun stuff HAHA

Let's just say that the birthday girl is called I. so a couple of days ago, I has told me that my crush is gonna be at the party. Ofcourse i was excited at first, i mean, it's been long since the last i saw him:) But what i didn't realize was the fact that i also have to dance in front of him:|

I didn't think that he would actually be in front of me, seeing me dance but i was WRONG. He was right in front of me and O.M.G. All the dance moves that i've memorised the day earlier came into a HUGE BLANK. I didn't remember anything and my mind couldn't stop itself from being stressed out. Yes, i totally humiliated myself, in front of my crush, awesome.

Ok, i've accepted the fact that my image was already ruined. It's not like i expected something better either *sigh*

Anyway the party started and blablabla.. Somehow it was really awkward for me whenever he was near me:/ i guess i still KINDA idolize him lol

It sounds really creepy, but i couldn't help myself to not stare at him==" i know that i'm such a lame stalker but it was the only thing that i couldn't stop myself from doing it:>

So the night proceed well and yes he looked soo cool throughout the night and again, he's made another good impression~~~ Not to mention how well dressed he was tonight:D *totally exaggerating but whocares*

But for me, the best part was that i could finally listen to his voice. Again, why am i so creepy OMG

It was the first time and i was somehow happy because of that... weird meee~:DDDD i guess i have to thank I again n again for making all this happen to me! *hugs*

There are still alot of things that i'd like to talk about him but i don't wanna bore u with all the facts why he's so admirable and stuff:)

moving on to the second thing.

A really bad thing has happened to one of my closest friend. I'm not gonna say a name and i feel so sorry for her:( She kept blaming her self and didn't stop crying again and again. And as usual, as the most useless friend in the world, i didn't know what was the right thing to say or what can i say to cheer her up.

It was really sad for me to watch her suffer like that:( I really suck when it comes to consoling upset people. Since i'm not exactly that smart or knowledgeable about human psychology.......

But i hope what i did was enough.. I tried my best already, by giving her my useless advice and i can't do anything else besides wishing her nothing but happiness:D

anddd finally the last thing that had happened tonight...

On my way home, i got a message from my teacher, asking whether i've received a mail or no. Then it hit me, i remembered what I said that she was very worried for this week because this week was the final decision whether you were gonna pass the grade or NO. And i remembered her saying that if she got a mail, it would mean that she has failed.

Instead, i was the one who was screwed.

My mind went blank all of a sudden. I didn't know whether i was supposed to be happy or to be sad. I mean, if i didn't pass the grade, i would probably be transferred to the bilingual class. I said to myself that i was prepared to do this since i got along with most of the people and stuff, but something in my heart felt like sighing again and again.

I guess what made me feel that way was the fact that I HAVE FAILED MYSELF. 

And it's not just me who i have failed, there's also my dad whom i've disappointed:(

But when i think about it again, i guess my dad would be happier if i joined the bilingual programmed since it would definitely ease his burden.

okay, end of stories~

In the end, i still believe that everything happens for a reason. Whether it's a good or bad thing, It all happens because it's what's good for me. According to God ofcourse..

I guess everything has its own positive side:) if i joined the bilingual class, maybe my life would change into a better one? maybe i'll gain more friends than before? And what's even better is that i don't have to take the stupid A level examination when everyone's already on vacation:p

AND i also have to remember that i have to thank God for the good things that have happened to me today:)))))))) yes, i guess i'm still very much happy about that~

So folks, whether you think that your life sucks very much now or no, you should read what i just wrote>:D it's not like i'm trying to show off or anything, but i hope i can help more people to try to do what i'm doing:) It's definitely a rough road, but we still have to face it with optimism in the end;;)

Ok, i guess that's the end for today's depressing yet pleasant-ing entry..

Hope u guys enjoy it and i hope it's also gonna be helpful HAHA

BYEEE

Ciaosuuu!~~~

WORST.NIGHT.EVER.

Ok, so something really horrible just happened to me:) And actually, it happened just now. Exactly on this cursed night of the 25th May 2013. Once again, I have succeeded in making a very BAD impression to my friend's parents:)

And that's exactly why i want to write this. So that in the future, i won't do the same thing and NEVER EVER LET THIS KIND OF THING HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN ;_;

Yes, i'm still freaking out about what just happened, but i'm gonna try to calm myself and start writing the story......

Today started horribly. I woke up late with my hair, being messy as always. When i looked at my watch, apparently it was already 10. On that moment, i knew that i barely had time to get ready to go. I had to run here and there, just to prepare the things that i might need for my friend's sweet seventeen dinner party on the night. Then at around 11, my dad, me and my sister with her friend went to V's house since i thought it would be nice to hang around her house and then go to the dinner party together.

I had a pretty good time there. We watched, cooked and talked about nonsense stuffs like we always do. Then at 3.30 we started to prepare ourselves for the dinner party, and finally went together at 6. Most of V's classmates who were invited didn't come so there were not many people there. Then i talked to my friends and blablabla. And somehow the conversation between me and V came to a point where we talked about how badly i behave at her house.____________.

Apparently her dad thought that i was not polite enough as a teenager. And damn. It was like a cannon bomb was fired at me. The guilty feeling inside of me was eating me up. That thought kept reminding me how impolite i was everytime i was at her house, or my other friends' house. it was indeed stressful and i was about to go crazy at that time. I spent the rest of my time on the party by thinking how horrible my image is to her parents.

Ah, before i reached that conversation, i talked to my dad about what time will he pick me up. And apparently he had to eat and do stuff first before he could pick me up. So i decided that it would be a good idea if i just went to V's house and my dad would then pick me up from there.

When we were on our way to V's house (along with her mother and sister), her mom suggested to take me home. I literally ran out of words. I didn't know what to say or what should i do. I had tried everything to refuse the offer countless time. I felt even more terrible after she decided to drive me home instead.

Finally i gave up and just go along with it. I mean, what could possibly go even more wrong?

THEN another unfortunate moment happened as soon as i reached home. I completely forgot that my house maids always slept at around 8.30 because they thought that the whole family would arrive at home late. So as soon as i reached home. i tried to press the bell again and again. It didn't work:) And my house maids were still sleeping soundly. I started to freak out since it started to rain. V's mom then told me to wait inside the car before the front gate was opened.

Inside the car, i tried calling the house. Then something SHITTY happened again. once again i forgot that my phone can't be used to call since no more credit were left. SO YES, i have to borrow V's phone in order to call the house. I tried countless times to call the house but it did not work:) so i tried calling my dad and he didn't answer:) i tried calling my driver to ask my house maids' numbers and he hung up the phone:)

How can i not freak out in this kind of situation??????????

I'd tried almost everything that i could to wake those STUPID MAIDS up and nothing worked. Even V's mom had tried to honk the car for several times. And nothing seemed to work. I was desperate and I panicked. And in the midst of the chaos situation, i said something that kind of indicated that V's mom shouldn't had taken me home. I literally about to killed myself when i realized about what i just said.

Then i finally got an idea to end this SUPER AWKWARD SITUATION.

I climbed the front gate and started banging the door like crazy. I kept banging and banging the door, hoping that those STUPID MAIDS would finally wake up and save me from this hell. And after a minute of two, the front door was finally opened. I was so pissed and glad at the same time.

After that i took my bags from V's car and while apologizing again and again at the same time. And apparently, her phone that i used to call my house, dad and driver was inside one of my bag. Yes, another unfortunate situation i suppose. So after all that, V's family finally went home safely. And me? I'm feeling more than guilty than ever until this point.

So folks, from this embarrassing situation of mine, you can learn that you must always think before you act. Because your actions could end up with bad consequences that you have to take. And trust me, it did not feel good at ALL:)

So i guess that's all for today. Starting to get sick of writing and i didn't wanna make my entry too long.

SO SEE YALL NEXT TIME!

Ciaosuuuu~!!!!

Friendship Matters...

Hiya folks!

So sorry for not updating a new entry for so long, i've just been so busy with my life and stuff:) AND yes, it's been fun and sad at the same time, but i've managed to survive until this very day, which is a pretty awesome achievement of myself HAHA

so now, what you're about to read is a super boring dumb story called my life:) actually, just a part of it and i still consider this as a very important part of my life:) so prepare to be bored by the longest, yet the most terrible entry ever made by ME. ENJOY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Her name is S.S. We met when we were in 6th grade. Eventhough we went to the same school for 5 years, we haven't been on the same class until the 6th year, which is our last year in elementary school. Our class is the mighty 6A which consist of the most awesome people among the other 6 graders.

Being a kid, i was super shy. I couldn't talk very well since i was SUPER SHY. not to mention that i was one of the shortest kid in the class== So yeah, i didn't have any courage to initiate a conversation with people back then._. i was just...quiet. Especially in a new class, i still didn't know some of the people and it was just, AWKWARD.

THEN, after a few weeks being in 6A, the teacher arranged the seating arrangement. I sat next to a boy *whose name i don't remember* and the table beside me is where S sat. And that was how we met for the first time.

I didn't really remember, but i'm pretty sure that she was the one who started talking to me first. Then i thought, this girl was so friendly and nice, maybe i can be friends with her!

And apparently i was right.

After a few days only, we started to fool around together by calling each other nicknames. I called her "onion" (in indonesia: bombay) while she called me "chili" (in indonesia: cabe). I absolutely have no idea where we came up with such stupid nicknamesLOL but it was so memorable:)

THEN, we started to give each other drawings of our nicknames in almost every lesson. so basically i drew her evil onions while she drew me evil chilis. We were so weird, laughing when nobody was, like we had the world to ourselves. It was one of the most beautiful memories i have in life, having fun with her:')

After doing doing that like for numerous times, she started approaching me everytime. like in the breaks, p.e. time, etc. I did pretty much the same as her. I enjoyed being with her, so it's obvious that i like being around her too.

Honestly, after 7 years studying in my school, i've never felt like i actually have a best friend. but i was just a stupid kid who knows nothing about the world, so i'm perfectly fine with just having friends. Then she happened to me. and my life got awesome all of a sudden.

From that moment on, we instantly became best friends. We texted each other all the time and i didn't even remember what we were talking about, but i do know that we had lots of fun together.

Back then, when i hadn't known her, i always visited my friend in other class on breaks. but after meeting her, i started to hang with her close friends. And i guess my social life turns a little better after that.LOL

there was also one time, on arts and crafts lesson, we were supposed to make something out of disgusting brown claysLOL. and we always sat next to each other whenever we can. So after the lesson, there were some left over clays. then i had an idea of making an onion figure from the left over clays for her. 

i didn't really remember whether i told her to make one for me to or she made a chili figure by her own will.

Then we ended up exchanging the weird clay figures to each other. And yes, i still kept the clay>:D

here's the mighty chili clay! *sorry for being too lazy to rotate the pic*

One of the fondest memory i have about her, was when we promised each other to meet up early at school just to read comics. I didn't really know why but i really enjoyed those times. I remember reading a comic that was so funny cuz the main character had a super weird pair of eyebrows== and at one of those early mornings when we were together, i told her to read the comic and just like what i thought, she laughed so hard like someone was tickling her nonstop.

Then i started laughing hard too while looking at the funny eyebrows and listening to her laughter. and we both laughed like crazy until people started coming to class.

I also remember that she was a sesat and good influence to me at the same time. cuz after getting to know her, i started copying homeworks from others>:) but since she was SOOO diligent about her studies, i started studying well too, not like i used to== since i didn't wanna be left behind by her too far.

On holidays, i would visit her house for almost everyday and we played computer games the whole time we were together. she introduced me to great games like sims 2, neighbors from hell, hotel giant, and other computer games that i still like playing until today. She got all the awesome GAMES from her big brother so i was kinda jealous of her back thenLOL *i was desperate by wanting to have an older brother at that time*

I was still so crazy about animes too back then, and when visiting her house, i would watch the funny anime dvds that i just bought with her. but one reason why i like visiting her house so much is actually because i loved eating the food there #plak

but seriously, the food was good there, so.........

Until today, my memory of her is still crystal clear, like how much she was obsessed with doraemon== n i still don't understand what's so cute about a blue cat robot who has a magic pocket that can stick to his tummyROFL *no offense S*

All of you will probably say that i'm totally exaggerating this matter. and actually, if i read this kind of post a few years back, i would probably say the same thing.

And all this exaggeration wouldn't be written if i didn't realize how super nice she is.

It was when all the 6th graders went to Gambung since we're just about to graduate. i recall that I didn't feel so well when i arrived at that place so i decided to use some kayuputih oil to my stomach to make me feel better.

apparently she didn't really like the smell of kayu putih oil so she covered her nose and stuff and said things that i don't remember:D

folks, i was still a DUMB kid, so you have to understand that after she acted that way, i became angry and isolate myself from her and her group *which was actually my group too*

for half the day, i spent myself hanging out with my friends from other class._.

Then on the night she approached me and all of a sudden, we started talking again. And i stopped acting like an *ssh*l*;)

i didn't realize this after a few years graduated from elementary school. when i was around 15/16, i realized that i was SUCH A J*CK*SS to her by getting mad because of something that stupid. *in my defense, i was just a dumb kid back then:(*

But the one important thing that i also realize is that, she could stand being around someone like me. even after i ditched her just like that just because of a STUPID matter. 

As a matter of fact, i think of myself as a horrible person. i'm selfish, complains a lot, impatience and also kinda dumb:)

so to all of you who are still friends with me, i want to thank yall, for still being able to stand someone like me and having me in your lives.. i know that i haven't been the "greatest" friend ever, but i'm gonna try my hardest to, so please, give me the chance to do so:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUH, what a long entryy~

but it's over:) and i'm super tired of typing UGH

anyways, thx for reading and i hope you enjoy today's entry n i hope i can get a good night sleep tonight:) *wtf*

soo it's the end for today! n i'm gonna end it with a simple........BYE.

n

Ciaosuuu~~~~