One Night...

It all happened in just one single night. Not everything was bad but the bad things seemed to have overcome the good things..

Sorry for the very depressing intro, but i honestly don't know what am i supposed to do anymore, it's been a fun depressing day...

SO

Tonight was one of my closest friend's birthday celebration. And i happened to be one of the dancer for her party:D

Yes, we're getting to the fun stuff HAHA

Let's just say that the birthday girl is called I. so a couple of days ago, I has told me that my crush is gonna be at the party. Ofcourse i was excited at first, i mean, it's been long since the last i saw him:) But what i didn't realize was the fact that i also have to dance in front of him:|

I didn't think that he would actually be in front of me, seeing me dance but i was WRONG. He was right in front of me and O.M.G. All the dance moves that i've memorised the day earlier came into a HUGE BLANK. I didn't remember anything and my mind couldn't stop itself from being stressed out. Yes, i totally humiliated myself, in front of my crush, awesome.

Ok, i've accepted the fact that my image was already ruined. It's not like i expected something better either *sigh*

Anyway the party started and blablabla.. Somehow it was really awkward for me whenever he was near me:/ i guess i still KINDA idolize him lol

It sounds really creepy, but i couldn't help myself to not stare at him==" i know that i'm such a lame stalker but it was the only thing that i couldn't stop myself from doing it:>

So the night proceed well and yes he looked soo cool throughout the night and again, he's made another good impression~~~ Not to mention how well dressed he was tonight:D *totally exaggerating but whocares*

But for me, the best part was that i could finally listen to his voice. Again, why am i so creepy OMG

It was the first time and i was somehow happy because of that... weird meee~:DDDD i guess i have to thank I again n again for making all this happen to me! *hugs*

There are still alot of things that i'd like to talk about him but i don't wanna bore u with all the facts why he's so admirable and stuff:)

moving on to the second thing.

A really bad thing has happened to one of my closest friend. I'm not gonna say a name and i feel so sorry for her:( She kept blaming her self and didn't stop crying again and again. And as usual, as the most useless friend in the world, i didn't know what was the right thing to say or what can i say to cheer her up.

It was really sad for me to watch her suffer like that:( I really suck when it comes to consoling upset people. Since i'm not exactly that smart or knowledgeable about human psychology.......

But i hope what i did was enough.. I tried my best already, by giving her my useless advice and i can't do anything else besides wishing her nothing but happiness:D

anddd finally the last thing that had happened tonight...

On my way home, i got a message from my teacher, asking whether i've received a mail or no. Then it hit me, i remembered what I said that she was very worried for this week because this week was the final decision whether you were gonna pass the grade or NO. And i remembered her saying that if she got a mail, it would mean that she has failed.

Instead, i was the one who was screwed.

My mind went blank all of a sudden. I didn't know whether i was supposed to be happy or to be sad. I mean, if i didn't pass the grade, i would probably be transferred to the bilingual class. I said to myself that i was prepared to do this since i got along with most of the people and stuff, but something in my heart felt like sighing again and again.

I guess what made me feel that way was the fact that I HAVE FAILED MYSELF. 

And it's not just me who i have failed, there's also my dad whom i've disappointed:(

But when i think about it again, i guess my dad would be happier if i joined the bilingual programmed since it would definitely ease his burden.

okay, end of stories~

In the end, i still believe that everything happens for a reason. Whether it's a good or bad thing, It all happens because it's what's good for me. According to God ofcourse..

I guess everything has its own positive side:) if i joined the bilingual class, maybe my life would change into a better one? maybe i'll gain more friends than before? And what's even better is that i don't have to take the stupid A level examination when everyone's already on vacation:p

AND i also have to remember that i have to thank God for the good things that have happened to me today:)))))))) yes, i guess i'm still very much happy about that~

So folks, whether you think that your life sucks very much now or no, you should read what i just wrote>:D it's not like i'm trying to show off or anything, but i hope i can help more people to try to do what i'm doing:) It's definitely a rough road, but we still have to face it with optimism in the end;;)

Ok, i guess that's the end for today's depressing yet pleasant-ing entry..

Hope u guys enjoy it and i hope it's also gonna be helpful HAHA

BYEEE

Ciaosuuu!~~~

WORST.NIGHT.EVER.

Ok, so something really horrible just happened to me:) And actually, it happened just now. Exactly on this cursed night of the 25th May 2013. Once again, I have succeeded in making a very BAD impression to my friend's parents:)

And that's exactly why i want to write this. So that in the future, i won't do the same thing and NEVER EVER LET THIS KIND OF THING HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN ;_;

Yes, i'm still freaking out about what just happened, but i'm gonna try to calm myself and start writing the story......

Today started horribly. I woke up late with my hair, being messy as always. When i looked at my watch, apparently it was already 10. On that moment, i knew that i barely had time to get ready to go. I had to run here and there, just to prepare the things that i might need for my friend's sweet seventeen dinner party on the night. Then at around 11, my dad, me and my sister with her friend went to V's house since i thought it would be nice to hang around her house and then go to the dinner party together.

I had a pretty good time there. We watched, cooked and talked about nonsense stuffs like we always do. Then at 3.30 we started to prepare ourselves for the dinner party, and finally went together at 6. Most of V's classmates who were invited didn't come so there were not many people there. Then i talked to my friends and blablabla. And somehow the conversation between me and V came to a point where we talked about how badly i behave at her house.____________.

Apparently her dad thought that i was not polite enough as a teenager. And damn. It was like a cannon bomb was fired at me. The guilty feeling inside of me was eating me up. That thought kept reminding me how impolite i was everytime i was at her house, or my other friends' house. it was indeed stressful and i was about to go crazy at that time. I spent the rest of my time on the party by thinking how horrible my image is to her parents.

Ah, before i reached that conversation, i talked to my dad about what time will he pick me up. And apparently he had to eat and do stuff first before he could pick me up. So i decided that it would be a good idea if i just went to V's house and my dad would then pick me up from there.

When we were on our way to V's house (along with her mother and sister), her mom suggested to take me home. I literally ran out of words. I didn't know what to say or what should i do. I had tried everything to refuse the offer countless time. I felt even more terrible after she decided to drive me home instead.

Finally i gave up and just go along with it. I mean, what could possibly go even more wrong?

THEN another unfortunate moment happened as soon as i reached home. I completely forgot that my house maids always slept at around 8.30 because they thought that the whole family would arrive at home late. So as soon as i reached home. i tried to press the bell again and again. It didn't work:) And my house maids were still sleeping soundly. I started to freak out since it started to rain. V's mom then told me to wait inside the car before the front gate was opened.

Inside the car, i tried calling the house. Then something SHITTY happened again. once again i forgot that my phone can't be used to call since no more credit were left. SO YES, i have to borrow V's phone in order to call the house. I tried countless times to call the house but it did not work:) so i tried calling my dad and he didn't answer:) i tried calling my driver to ask my house maids' numbers and he hung up the phone:)

How can i not freak out in this kind of situation??????????

I'd tried almost everything that i could to wake those STUPID MAIDS up and nothing worked. Even V's mom had tried to honk the car for several times. And nothing seemed to work. I was desperate and I panicked. And in the midst of the chaos situation, i said something that kind of indicated that V's mom shouldn't had taken me home. I literally about to killed myself when i realized about what i just said.

Then i finally got an idea to end this SUPER AWKWARD SITUATION.

I climbed the front gate and started banging the door like crazy. I kept banging and banging the door, hoping that those STUPID MAIDS would finally wake up and save me from this hell. And after a minute of two, the front door was finally opened. I was so pissed and glad at the same time.

After that i took my bags from V's car and while apologizing again and again at the same time. And apparently, her phone that i used to call my house, dad and driver was inside one of my bag. Yes, another unfortunate situation i suppose. So after all that, V's family finally went home safely. And me? I'm feeling more than guilty than ever until this point.

So folks, from this embarrassing situation of mine, you can learn that you must always think before you act. Because your actions could end up with bad consequences that you have to take. And trust me, it did not feel good at ALL:)

So i guess that's all for today. Starting to get sick of writing and i didn't wanna make my entry too long.

SO SEE YALL NEXT TIME!

Ciaosuuuu~!!!!

When Things Have Become Clear...

I have to be honest, this post is gonna be very embarrassing... and very private.. but i want my future self to remember this moment, the quirkiness that occasionally happens in my life... It just means that i'm the one who's weird.. HAHA

So you see, the Major impact of PEDC, apparently is still within me...

And wat's worse? It was even following me around to the mighty Batu or should i say somwhere in Malang..:|

RITE, i should just get started..

I'm sure that most of my classmates and some of my friends alredy knw this...

Yes, i do have a crush on someone who i'm not supposed to like._. and FYI, he's NOT the one who likes my hairr~ 

K, why do i say he's not who i'm supposed to like? That's because he lives farfarfar away from where i live now.____.

Sounds sad, i know...

But anyways, i got this weird feeling out of nowhere.. i don't understand why i could develop such weird feelings and stuffs=="

i mean, when i met him first, i felt nothing. there was even no INSTANT CRUSH.. like wat i've always had when i think a guy's my type:p

So, basically, i kinda had a crush on me, by my super "sesat" assumption actually.. i might have assumed that he has a crush on me which actually caught my attention and not to mention the TEASING! he was teased by his friends n stuff n it got me thinking that wat i thought was actually true...

but well, this is just purely my misguided untrue presumption..... so please forgive my full of myself attitude=)

And this secret of mine was officially exposed on the mighty Malang Trip.. when i was playing TRUTH N DARE w/ my classmates._.

and i'm gonna stop talking about him cuz it'll just make me even moree depressed n stuff...

cuz i think i like him n it's such a shame to let him get away so easily._______. plus, i think he's nice n fun 2 talk 2... well at least thts wat i think ehehe and if he's meant 4 me, mayb we'll meet again in d future! ha! just kidding:P

RITE, so folks, unfortunately my school life isn't getting anybetter! My scores for the examination was horrible as predicted.... and not to mention the school works that are piling up for every each day..

I know it was the time for me to finally be more diligent, but i just can't and i don't know why..

Maybe that's because i can't overcome my own laziness but that's just purely B*llsh*t...

YEa well, this year is definitely not my year, but i'm just hoping that i could actually survive the year and move on safely to the next one... HAHA

ok so, there are 2 things that i'm kinda excited for tho! which are!:

1. O's dinner party

2. Owl City's Concert w/ O! HAHAHAHA

Yes, i'm super pumped and i totally can't wait~

butt before that, i have to work on my school probs n stuff and try to get my mind off u know who:D

So i'm just gonna stop now since i'm getting more and more sleepy now so bye!

Ciaosuuuu~!!!!

The Things I Should Have Done...

So FOLKS, please do forgive me for the absent... YES, i know that i haven't written anything this couple of weeks, but don't blame me, blame my mighty companion, Mr. Laziness and also Mrs. Business.

Anyway, to begin this entry, i first wanna apologize for keep making depressing and uninteresting entries... and yeaaah, this one is pretty much gonna be the same...

And actually, I am currently listening to David Choi's songs so it kiiiinda made me wanna write cuz his songs r so mellow" n relaxing n chilling~u~

So, wat i'm about to discuss today is actually about MYSELF again..

sorry 4 being wayy too self-centred, but this is my own friggin blog anyway so WHO D F Cares?:P

Til this moment, i just realized this fully, the fact that i have CHANGED since i entered highschool. N i think it's not a really good change.. #sighing

i dun even understand it myself.. but when i think back again, i was such a diff person back then..

Somehow, i was super motivated, diligent, willing to do anything n blablabla..

N Look at me now! i'm super lazy, sleepy all the time n i even think that i've become even stupider!ugh

What has gotten into me? well, don't ask me since i don't even understand wat the question means._.

I've been kiiinda experiencing this for almost more than a year... n now...  it's just worse than before.... SERIOUSLY DEPRESSING

This holiday was d worst one... my laziness has completely taken over. whether it's my mind, my body, my soul?#wtf

but i have some serious problem with the word B*LLSH*T..

i told my self, just rite before the holiday that i'm gonna read books, study, do homeworks and BE DILIGENT through the holiday.. BUT unfortunately, school starts tom n i haven't done a single thing..

WTF is wrong with me?

I'm seriously angry n furious at myself...

eventho i've realized this very fact, it doesn't really make me become better either since til now, I haven't finished a single thing..

This awful things called laziness has also affected my social life... like sometimes, i was even TOO LAZY TO TALK. WTH was tht rite?

I know that i often dream the impossible... Like living in NYC, travel around the world n do other awesome stuffs... like change d world?

Those dreams are like bullshits to me now...

i was like, "WTF mate? u wanna achieve those dreams but u dun wanna work hard for it? How wud u expect them to eventually come true then?"

K, so i'm practically lost now:| i dunno wat shud i do to make everything better n blablblblba...#sighing

see? i'm even too lazy to write now... i now believe that i , myself have a SERIOUS motivation problem...

so i gotta go now, cuz i'm too lazy to do anything besides watching eating n resting....

SO BYE

Ciaosuuu~!!

Distractions By Sweets And Life...

Yeah, you could say that i've been very lazy to write this blog.. BUTT seeing my friend here who just started blogging like a couple of months ago have been soo diligently writing her blog, so i decided to tell something about my life again:)

Indeed a lot of things happened.. The one that i can't stop thinking about and also the ones that make me happy:)
Including the fact that the stupid report card has alredy been given to us! AND I PASSED GRADE 10 peacefully<3
THANK GOD:)

my marks weren't that wow-ing.. i mean at least now i'm able to go to A level! the mighty A LEVEL! hahaaha
yes i'm not kidding... i know the journey is not gonna b easy, but i just have to do this. I know i can and with God, what's impossible anyway?:DDDDD

K... EHM..
Done with the report card thingy and let's move on to the next topic:p

I've been busy with a lot of good happy stuff this week. It's summer after all! i'm so excited hahaha~
the start of this beautiful holiday is not that good though.. But i managed to get through all of em except for one effing thing which is personal and i can't stop thinking about it n kinda making me crazy:(
*this thing makes me unable to stop listening to Mindy Gledhill's songs=.=
sorry folks, i'm just not that ready to write about this prob.. so next time!:3

a.n.y.w.a.y! today my mom officially ciao-ed herself to the country i've always wanted to go... which obviously USA~!!! OMGOMG
I'm indeed disappointed the fact that i can't go. but i'll just let that go and just wait for my mum to come back and bring me lots and lots of souvenirs! SHE HAS TO! HAHALOL

so i think i should tell about how my day goes today huh?
so today's all about my day with VH n her sis! HAHAHAHAHA
it was fun indeed!!

we went swimming together, then even went to BSM!

DUUUDEEESS! we were so pathetically hilarious... LOL i mean, we purposely entered some high class stores that we can't even afford to buy! like Versace, Hugo Boss n lots of other stores.. i can only remember 2:|

here's the thing about today...
"WE ATE LIKE PIGS!"
it's true though hahaha

U see, first, we ate at this restaurant called "Plate For Me" and WOW man!
it was awsomely delicious...<333
we ate spaghetti pesto n pizza! YUMYUMMYY heheheeeee

but the day's not over yet!
we went to Bakerzin then, to buy some desserts! YEAAY

we were gonna eat souffle at first... butt guess what? the price was unbelievably expensive damn it!

and what's worse? the souffle that i wanted was not available.. so i decided to just buy a mango mousse..
it was sweet, mango-ish and tasty! i think!:)))

and sooo, VH decided to buy the raspberry souffle.. which was so expensive.. n not to mention... VERY SOUR-ish! LOLOLOL
B4:

After:

i can't stop laughing literally.. i mean the pudding-cake-like was delicious, i have to admit.. butt! the ice cream? UGH can't stand it at all!
it was super sour and bleeh..
my point is that: WE F-ING HATE IT HAHAHAH

but VH managed to eat em all which was amazed me actually:p

so we ended up walking around n around then without noticing, the day has ended....

YES today was good. n i can't thank anyone else beside my one and only God:) thanku...

K, so maybe that's all for today.. my eyes r getting sleepy n sleepier.. heheee

so c yall later! PEACE UP!




Ciaosuuuu~~!!!!

Sinking Slowly To The Bottom

K", so yeah holiday has already started...

I should be full of enjoyment and excitement all around, but i don't.

Soo, many things have happened this week n they're not all that good.

Plus, i did bad things, things that i'm not proud of, but i had to do it bcause i'm selfish and other reasons.

This is just the start of the holiday and i'm already this disappointed in myself. I hate me really.

You  see, my class here is gonna rent a villa in Lembang for all of us to stay there for a few days. It sounds fun doesn't it? Indeed i was interested... i mean, everyone's gonna join and i just hope that i can still have so much fun there.

Unfortunately, people started to bail.

and there's only a few people who are gonna stay in that villa.

Then it got me thinking, maybe i should bail to!

Then there i go so recklessly, bailing myself to go to the villa..

But things don't end there since my friend who's in charge of this whole thing said that she has paid the DP so people can't cancel.

Man, i felt so horrible.. i mean i dun even wanna go there but i still have to pay? it's such a waste of money..

I know that i'm being irresponsible, and i'm totally selfish. But i guess i'm also a human being..

And there are way more reasons that i dun wanna go thre, besides the fact that it's expensive, i may also have an event i have to attend which will cost more money to dad. I felt bad for him, i just bought a new phone and now i'm gonna ask him for more money? for the concerts and also the trip? HELL NO!

I feel horrible now as a result. Sometimes i wonder, why do i have to be this selfish? I'm causing problems for my friends and i just feel terrible.

Yes, i hate myself for that.. but then again, i have to do what i was supposed to do from the start.

I just hope she will forgive what i did and so does God. I hate myself for lying and be this selfish...:(

Anyway that's all maybe for today.. i'm not really in the mood to write things now, so i'll just continue sometime later hahaha

Ciaosuuu~!

Summer Is Just Around The Corner

HELOO again! Man, it's been such a long time n i apologize for that:) I've been.. busy? not really i guess, i'm just being as lazy as i can as usual..

Life's been pretty gud to me.. I'm fine and finally able to enjoy these days of my life...

K, i'm just gonna start blabbering about the things that have happened this couple of weeks... TEEHEE

1st, i'm gonna b talking about~~ my sleepover w/ V.K. n V.H. at V.K.'s house!

Man, we took like tons of pics... i had so much fun and it was just very enjoyable..:))

AND since i'm as usual too lazy to do anything, so i'm not gonna write the details of my sleepover... HAHA

THough i'm gonna write one thing that we managed to make that day, which was the bucket list of what are we gonna do for this summer... Exciting huh? n moreover, we're planning to do em all for the entire summer! HA!!

2nd, my life's officially back since QT4 has ended!!!! YEAH! but unfortunately i still got a week more for the remediation test which was pointless i think=3= *sigh* but it's only one more week so i gotta stay strong man!!!:D

3rd, I finally went to that place called "Suga Rush", well i have to say, overall, the food was good, but it was ONLY gud, not more than that:) and the employees? i'm not here to complain but man, the service sucked. me n my friend even had to queue for like a half of an hour just to buy a friggin creme brulee! Yes maybe that was very impatient of me, but really, there was only ONE person serving the dessert counter and how was that supposed to make the line of people keep moving forward?>:(The creme Brulee fortunately, didn't suck though! HEEHEE We ate the blueberry pancake, baked tuna rice n my mighty salad:P

K again, so i've been doing a lot of thinking... I actually have been thinking to make a new blog! Relax fellas, it doesn't mean i'll leave this one out, my other blog is actually gonna be like movie reviews:) I dunno why but i luv movies n tv series so much! *americans of course* n i just kinda decided to make a new blog after a long time of thinking:P

SOO, summer holiday is just around the corner n i'm super xcited:3 i'm gonna do lots of fun stuffs w/ my pals! YEY! there will be tons of hang outs and talking of course~

Last one, i, the most embarrassing person who at first decided not to buy a blackberry decided to buy one now... it took me 3 friggin years to buy one 4 God's sake!==

But it doesn't mean i'll throw my iphone away, i'll still keep it, but it means i have to say gudbye to my white phone:"(

But i guess this is for the best=3= i just hope my decision is not wrong this time._.

SO again, 3 more days of stupid unimportant remediation.. n the rest is about having fun with my friends... hahaha

Maybe that's all for today? i'm just very much lazy n haven't studied biology... Damn i'm screwed!

but at least i still enjoy my life n i'm smiling heeheeeeeee

One last thing, today i talked to 'him' and indeed, i'm the happiest person on earth noww! haha!

K, now i really gotta go... I'll update some more later so BYE!

Ciaosuuuu~!

The Way It Is Supposed To Be..

It's been what? 2 weeks? Yes indeed readers, i haven't been that diligent to write more entries since my days were just filled with nothing but laziness..

but trust me, those days r so very much enjoyable n they've been very good to me:)

So anyway, there r lots of things to write, starting with last week:P

There were 2 bday celebration last week! which were F n Rs'!

F's bday was in Azzura, PPJ...

N on that very day, i ate something so terrible== it was super sour, weird n lemony? EW

The stupid sour fish was disgusting, i wouldn't even wanna go to that place anymore.. I'm so friggin traumatized with that sour dori fish:"(

And @ that time,i was still sick, with mucusy nose n sore throat.. What a life right? My head was also pounding so hard after a while being there=-=

But i had fun:D Well, hanging out w/ friends is always fun indeed:*

So on the night of the next day, it was R's turn...

That day was as busy as hell! Damn! on dat stupid day, i found out that i will have my guitar examination on sunday, so i have to go to my guitar course first==

after my guitar course, i immediately went home, washed my hair, dried them and dressed up..

My hair was still horrible but whocares?== The dress was still gorgeous:)

So den on a restaurant called Queen, i ate juan lo there? It was sooo damn delicioussss<3 i wanna eat it again..:)

Yeah, well d rest of the days were pretty much just like that... lots of dancing practice n idling around with myself...

Ah! that's right! On sunday i have the stupid guitar exam n it was such a mess:)) i am pretty much sure that i'm so gonna fail, i mean, i played so horribly and nervously... n i hate the person beside me! Why d hell was he so good at playing it! i feel like the worst person in this worldTT

N it didn't get better after dat..

So me n V had promised to each other to meet up at church on sunday afternoon.. in order to become an altar girl or something like that...

IT was SUPER EMBARRASSING.. There were only kids there! like stupid careless kids! n we were d only ones who r teenagers... I'm sooooooo embarrassed== not to mention the mentor is someone i knew once! i even talked to him before== when i was in the elementary school.. DANG

But on tuesday,i went out to PPJ w/ my friends... it was fun:) we played Pump n i ate a quiche n finally able to pronounce it!:DDDD

I wasn't able to bring myself to do all the stupid homeworks n all== i don't know why on earth am i this lazy, but it's just really hard to do the hws:"(

i hope i can't finish em all before the deadline...

Anyway, school starts in 2 days n it sucks... why can't holidays be longer? I don't wanna go to school yet!!!!! UGGGHHh

also, QT3 starts next week n i can't even touch those stupid horrifying books:DDDDDD

Okso, dats pretty much the end of my complain n how my days go on with this stupid boring idling life=_=

I'll b writing again soon!

Ciaosuuuuu~!!

Word of d day : TIRED

Aah, another week has passed by.. and yeah, i'm still busy as ever:)

It's tiring indeed.. but this is my f*ck*n life.. so i hav to life it the fullest every single day of my life.. *sigh* SUPER TIRING

this is just not a normal frustration, since it has been going on for like.... 2 months? I don't knw if anyone had noticed, but i just realize that ever since school starts on 2012, everyday is like HELL. and i'm not just babbling cuz it's true.. i'm exhausted dang it!!

anyway, rather than talking about that, i'd rather talk about what happened this week.

Hmm, nothing interesting really happened this week, except the fact that apparently all my hard work has been paid off! That's right! This girl who's currently writing this post is the one who got satisfying scores these days.. i don't really know or understand how did i manage to do all these, it kind of just... happen?

Ah, another thing! since V has moved to my seat *yeay*, it's been.... hmmm... weird?

i mean, i'm glad she moved next to me, but since we talked so much.. i guess i kind of ignore my other seat mate... I AM SUCH A JERK>

But really, i don't really know what am i supposed to do when 2 people are talking to me at the same time== why can't they pick the timing right??? UGH

n now, i felt like extremely bad for the people i may have ignored accidentally=.=

i wish i could say i'm sorry to them... *sigh* why can't i be braver? SH*TTTTTTTT

yeah, i guess i'm kind of mad at myself now... i hope i can do better next week:(

SO now, i'm gonna brag about yesterday:)

so yesterday i was having a math course as usual and we were studying math..

and since i was too overly enthusiastic, i stayed til 7... dang, since when i became this diligent?LOL

but you know, all the hard work was paid off. i totally rocked the test! i hope i didn't make silly mistakes:3

And so, i've been feeling... weird and confuse these days... but also terribly happy... WOW right?:))) but most of these were caused by my stupid imagination... so...=3=

*the most unimportant and stupidest matter i've ever written*

Ah, another thing! I've also been obssessing to american idol and i already got my fav!!:))))) and it's Phil Phillips!!!!!! OMGOMGOMG he's gonna be the next american idol!! HE HAS TO BEE!

changing topic againn..

also, this week, i didn't hang out w/ my friends because of stupid courses:"( i got tons of em.. DANG COURSES! but then again, i will not survive in my study without these courses==

so maybe that's all for today.. i'm terribly sorry for making you to be bored by this post because even though i have nothing to write, i still wanna write somethingHEHEHE

so i guess this is goodnite?:>

CiaosuuuU!

End of the week, finally @ peace..

Gosh, it's been a week already... such a long time eh?

Blame the stupid dumb" quarter test... this week was just... super disappointing n hard... n that's all thanks to QT1..:"(

butt it's the end of the week already, which means it's all over already!:D

got so much to tell, but i'm gonna summarise it since i don't wanna write that long:))

1st day of QT, it was chemistry. i really thought that i could do it. Like i was soo sure that i won't get a red mark. but guess what? on thursday i finally found out that i got 70... sooooooooooooooo F*ck*NG depressing n disappointing=-=" 5 more points then no more remedial.... IHATECHEM!

2nd day, it was english... so i "THOUGHT" again, that i won't get a bad mark. but i still don't know about the score til now.. it's still heartpounding but i'm pretty much sure i'll do just fine, but not excellent:(((

3rd day, hmm, if i'm not mistaken, it was math n BI.. n JUST LIKE WAT I THOUGHT, i screwed them up.... n what's even more F*CK*N pissing me off is the fact that i managed to skip A VERY EASY NUM ON Math which even guaranteed me even more that i'm soo gonna get a bad mark:D about BI? i'm not pretty sure about that, but i know that whenever i felt that my score is not gonna be that bad for BI, i always get the worst mark._.

4th day, PHYSICS... who would've thought that i think i did better in physics than math? now physics is not on my screwed up schedule... butt i still got plenty mistakes so i'm not that confident that i'll get the best score ever=="

5th/last day... it's biology time... which was supposed to be the easiest but turned out to be one of the hardest... SH*T. but it was also partly my fault for underestimating biology... instead of studying, i ended up playing guitar n stayed up til midnight.. I'm 70% sure that my biology score is also gonna be another depressing one... Haaaa~

anyway, that's pretty much all summed up huh?

although, i'm hoping that things will turned out differently tomorrow.. i'm gonna hang out wid my friends tom, and i'm gonna sing til i run out of voiceLOL *i know it's not funny but i still wanna use that sentence*

but you know, this whole week, overall is not very bad... there were some moments that i really like.. but i can't really remember the ones i wanna write so...:D *all i can remember are the ones that i don't wanna write so, sorry*

Ah, i think i had some fun yesterday on chem lab... the experiment was kinda interesting, n yeah i guess that's all?:PPPPPP *smiley*

hmmm, i don't really have anything to talk about...so i guess this is the end?:D

p.s. i'm sorry if it's really boring, but i'm pretty much very bored now so don't blame me?:) *the lamest excuse ever*

quote 4 d day? HMMMMMMMMMMM

"Don't give up easily in your life, once you find the right path, you will feel right again."

i know that some people might not understand about the quote, but i just kinda feel like writing it now soo... nyahahahhaa

alrite, dat's pretty much all!~

CiaosuuuU~!

Depressing alert?0_o

This is pretty much about my day today, so it might b kinda boring butt i'm still gonna write it anywy hehehe..

2 b honest, i was kinda depressed today n i didn't evn knw why... damn depression had haunted me 4 several times n it came in again today...

n u knw wats worse? i don't evn exactly knw why am i like this.. i just feel empty n sleepy... i guess dat's wats called being depressed huh?:P

ANYWY, this mood finally got better after d math course heheee mayb this was caused of my ability to do matrix *yahoo* n also some of my classmates were fooling around which made me laugh n totally made me feel better some way:DDDD

this entry is actually quite or totally depressing hehe *can't stop sayin it* n it is not d end just yet. this shud b on a new entry but i'm just too lazy to make a new one, so...

hmm, i'm actually gonna b talking about myself, like wat i called "keluhkesah" hehe.. i dun knw wats d english term, but d main idea is about wat i'm feeling or somethin like dat..

1st, to be realllyyyyy honest, sometimes i question myself, why do i live? i mean, in my "imagination", everything is still gonna b fine if i'm not here.. like now 4 example, i dun evn knw why i studied hard d whole time.. *not exactly* mayb it's to make my parents happy? really? do i really mean dat?

i really don't knw how to value my own life. normally, people shud b grateful bcuz of d life they were given but i still can't. 4 real.

plus, i find myself really boring actually. i'm not especially gud @ something, maybe, just mayb my talent is still hiding inside of me butt i can't keep dat kind of believe in my mind rite now, i'm just wayyyy too pessimistic to hold on dat kind of thought now..

n there's another reason, with me being here, do i evn make d people dat i luv happy? yeah mayb sometimes, but most of d times, i annoyed people so much dat i evn felt so guilty. but becuz i am such a coward, i cud never EVER apologize to a person when it comes to b a serious matter. this totally sux..

2nd noone understands me, including myself of course, i mean how are people supposed to understand yourself if u don't? dat's just soo screwed up. n why did i say i dun understand myself? well, u c, until now, i can't evn decide wat is my passion. i dun knw wat r my interest beside sleeping, watching n reading. why can't it b something educational or useful?

3rd i dun understand other peoples feelings u c... like 4 example *this happens all d time btw*:

i can't talk to more den 1 person, so i MAY KINDA ignore d other person while i was talking. truthfully, it was not wat i really meant, i just don't knw how to connect conversations, from one person to other people. people r sooooo pissed @ me 4 doing so but, wat can i do? shud i abandon d other person? but i'll b hated by d person later den:((. i'm alwys stressed out by these kind of stupid unimportant things n perhaps this is d reason why my hair keeps on fall out=u=

4th i get lonely sooo easily. it's pathetic, really, but i really enjoy being wid myself only too.. dat's why i think i'm weird==

5th complainer is wat i am. i can't stop complaining, trust me... i will alwys complain to God, if something in my life went wrong. hmph, i guess my faith is not strong enough huh?;p

6th i'm a bad tempered person cuz i actually get mad sooo easily, evn if it's not necessary. i hate myself 4 dat... but no matter how hard i try, i just can't stop my anger...== i just can't.

7th i alwys got frustated wid small matters, evn if it's not important. I did every single thing wid my feelings soo i guess u can call me a bit emotional:P

hmph, dat's a lot to write n also not very good to read hehe

n i'm gonna stop this now before it's getting boring *it already is actually*:D

so, bye?:D

CiaosuuU!

Xmas, Newyear, end of vacation, now wat?

Aah, i've been 2 lazy to write a new entry these weeks== i mean i've gone to jkt n bought stuffs<3 butt mostly, i stayed @ home playing computer..:D

4 xmas, my family n i had dinner in le marley..:DDD finally i was able to convince them to come here, butt d result was not as gud as i thought== they were complaining so much til my head kinda exploded in place nyahahhaha jkjk

butt i was really pissed by hearing those bad things about a pantry dat i really like:)

anwy, moving on to new year..

nothing particularly special happened around dis time.. butt i'm still so happy cuz i got to watch nickelodeon...!!!<3<3<3

plus, d fireworks in jkt were just amazing.. they were everywhere n d sky was so bright:P

hmm, i only got 4 days to enjoy my vacation @ home so i gotta really b able to make these times xtremely enjoyable... ._.

*sigh~~~~~~~~~*

school starts 2 days later n i still dun wanna go!!==

not enough holiday 4 meeee!! i still wanna enjoy taking shower in d afternoon n read mangas til morning... i hate stressful stuff n i still wanna relax just 4 a week:(

butt i've gotta go back to reality, so nomore fun 4 d next couple of weekssss...

ANYWAY

today was pretty awesome actually. my bday was just around d corner n i was pretty nervous slash worried slash excited.

i dun really knw wat to feel since i'm just...... ?

n wat does today hav anything to do wid my bday?

well, today i went wid my ma together to book d place... @ 1st, we went to le marley, but UNFORTUNATELY d place doesn't take reservation 4 saturday nite... too bad...:"(

Butt den my mom took me to another restaurant called "Tableicious" n d place was pretty cool actually.. it kinda looked like le marley butt d price of d food.. was a bit more xpensive den le marley... *myself opinion*

butt in d end, we decided to book dis place 4 my bday party... *fuh*

n d cake?

well, i also went to harvest today, n u knw wat... i'm instantly in luv wid d place becuz it has soooooo many cakes n i just can't stop my drooling salivaLOL

that's pretty much all...

last thing to tell, i went to my fren's house after dat...

i watched 2 vry weird n scary horror movies wid her which was so terrifying==

butt i managed to survive til d end hehe

we also played monopoly n i lost!! *totally not important

these r d 2 scary movies n d monopoly dat i played wid my fren:)

i guess dats all to tell?

ah, one last thing.. i've been feeling weird these days.. well, more like i feel bad 4 someone bcuz of my selfish action... i'm not gonna write bout who d person is, but i just wish i cud b braver n apologize 4 d way i acted in front of dat person.. n from now on, i'm gonna try my best not to b a Super jerk anymore... well at least, i hope so:D

i guess dat's really all to tell since my hands r tired n i'm super sleepy..

plus, i also hv an appointment wid my buddies to hv breakfast together n play batting like in baseball hehhehe

quote 4 today:

"...."

i dun get to say anything gud today becuz i still feel xtremely bad 4 d person bcuz of me:"(((( i mean, i evn sometimes wanna cry thinking bout dis... n i'm gonna stop rite now n end dis quickly:p

CiaosuuU!!!!

SO MAD!! *ANTM 17 SPOILER*

Gaaaaaaaah! i'm so furious n super disappointed!!!!!!! dis just totally ruin my super boring day:((

truthfully, since last night, i was soo impatient bcuz i can't wait to watch ANTM 17's finaleee.. i was hoping dat alison cud win.. i mean, she totally deserved it!! she is high fashion, pretty n has soo many fans around d world:D *including mee*

den today, i spent my time watching "cowboys n aliens" n "i am number 4". they were pretty much interesting butt my mind was still thinking about ANTM.

finally in d evening, my fren texted me dat there was a rumour about d winner of antm 17. N wat's evn more pissing is dat d winner is lisa!!!!!:( how cud dat happen?? i didn't really see dat coming. i was sooooooooooooooo mad n 4 d first time while watching this series, i am actually DISAPPOINTED @ d judges' judgement.

but wat's evn more interesting is dat there r a lot of people who think d same way as i do! some evn said dat alison is d true winner>u<

*a very long sigh* i guess yapping around won't change d fact dat alison is d runner up again:( but i'm still kinda grateful because she is able to b in d 2nd place n she is antm's fans' all time favorite:DD

here's 2 pics of her.. which r so awesome n also who's supposed to win dis cycle=3=

for cover girl...:

oh well, wat's happened will stay like dat. n now i'm gonna take a shower n take a rest from dis tiring day==

p.s. dis entry is an emergency one so i'll post d next real entry later~!:D

ok dis is d end for todayy..

Ciaosuuu~