WELL my first post that is actually published on my blog is my third actual draft, YEAP. So much for the hesitation and laziness within me. And while i was rereading those drafts, i realized that i wrote both when i was either depressed, or when i couldn't get my mind off something. Both actually show how negative i am as a human being. BUT at least for today, i am currently writing with no mood swings and it kinda feels greird. (great and weird)
Yes, the topic is supposed to be my first time living alone in Germany. Okay where do i start? Hmm living alone can be fun and boring sometimes, which is probably the reason i gained weight so quickly here. I was basically bored and got nothing to do, so my last resort was, EATING. For some reasons it's been hard for me to control my appetite. In fact, i think it's getting worse day by day. But i am still willing to change this rotten lifestyle i've been living and go back to my old healthy self.
What do i miss the most? There is no doubt that i miss my family the most. Well my dad to be exact. I miss his kindness, caring personality and the fact that he's willing to sacrifice anything for the ones he loves. Oh how i miss that. Here i stand alone. I solve my own problems and so do other people. My dad isn't around anymore to clean up my messes. I guess that's how i realized how life hard gets as i got older and independent.
Food. ah right. Right now i'm craving indonesian food so badly. It's not like i hate the food here, it was actually the opposite. The fact that i was able to gain weight so easily here, proves that my tastebud is more suitable for western food. BUT that doesn't make me a westerner though. My hometown still has the best food, memories and happiness in each every one of them.
Myself? Well i've change, i suppose...? I am no longer the person i used to be. What's worse, i am not getting better either, i'm actually in a confused state now. Sometimes weird questions came into my mind, like what is actually right and wrong. I am utterly confused of what i should do and i am getting no answer til this very day. What's worse is the fact that i close myself up from other people. I guess my trust problem has gotten even worse. But looking back at my past experiences, it's no surprise that i was able to get to this point. This is probably why i haven't been getting answers. Cause i'm alone with no help from the outside world.
It's not just me who change though, my friends do too. The more you get to know someone, the more you realize, that nobody's perfect. They're pretty much the same as me, i got my horrible side and so do they. What matters is whether the person would want to accept the negativity or not. And i guess i'm kind of lucky since i still have friends:)
Even so, i enjoy my time alone here. I've become a loner and i'm actually fine by it. WHICH MAKES IT EVEN HARDER FOR ME TO CHANGE. I guess everything has its own phase and i just have to let this phase pass by.... when it even happened though.
I haven't said much but that pretty much describe my current situation now. I guess i have made quite a progress by writing this post huh? Well hopefully everything turned out well later for all of us and our future:)
