The Struggle.

Heya fellas.. It's been quite long i suppose? I haven't been writing again because i'm just mostly lazy and "quite" busy too. And the reason that i'm currently writing is still the same. If you've been reading my other post i guess you would know too. 

And before i start, i just wanna say i'm sorry if it's too fucking depressing:)

Life goes on. No matter you're ready or not, you still have to face the hardship of life. It will come to you sometimes. It gets tougher surely, but it will make you become a better person at the very least.

If people ask me, whether i have a huge problem or whatsoever, i'm gonna have to say no. Did i cause drama with people? No. Did i make someone mad? No. Am i currently struggling academically? No, oh well maybe a little. My life has always been pretty flat and the only problem that i've got, is within myself.

I can't really say specifically because i don't really understand it myself. But i know that i'm now miserable because apparently that's how my body and mind want to react.

Yes, i'm an extremely negative person. I tend to think everything pessimistically. And i always end up feeling horrible and sad.

People can't choose what they feel. That's what i thought. Or maybe i was wrong. Maybe i was the one who chose to feel that way, to make myself more and more miserable. Maybe this is also why i choose to hate myself.

My friends told me all sort of things like i have to love myself more, or that i have to think more positive, but they never work. Gosh, i don't even know how did i become this stubborn. The more problems i have, the more i become depressed, the more i think that i'm a really bad person and the more i despise myself.

These days, all i can feel is being tired. I'm tired. I don't know why and what i'm tired of but it's like something inside of me is slowly dying. Perhaps i'm tired of life, my own fucking life.

There's no really a solution to this problem rather than for me to change myself. I know life's gonna be even harder in the future so this is just one small challenge to make myself to be prepared for what's waiting in the future.

But i still don't understand what and how to do it. I'm confused and frustrated. Oh life, what have i become now?

In the end, some problems remain unsolved and i just have to wait until the time is right. When it's the right time, i know everything is gonna be alright again. I just have to wait and be patient. Everything happens for a reason after all.

Life.

Hiyaa~! it's been such a long time, I KNOW. But apparently laziness has officially taken over my life, like real bad. Well at the very least i'm still able to enjoy my life and survive with all this madness in the world lol. anyway, it's super late already but i really wanna write something up. I've been meaning to write this for in the past, but because i was still very much overwhelmed by the emotion so i decided not to. It's for the best anyway.

Basically now i'm in that situation when someone feels like that person doesn't belong anywhere. And the surrounding is just, awkward. How to say this, but it's the kind of feeling when you feel like isolated even if you're not actually alone. Like there's some kind of a barrier that you can't penetrate between you and others. Or probably we're just that certain kind of people that don't really get along with each other because we're so different. From our sense of humor to our personality. And those differences started the whole barrier thing from the start. And it sucked and sucks.

At least i'm a much stronger person now, emotionally i mean. Usually i easily broke down over stuff like this and it was really pathetic. Sometimes i couldn't even handle the emotion anymore, it was tearing me apart so badly. Most importantly, i became aware that i actually felt really empty inside. *wow that was deep lol*

It was hard living like that and apparently now it's happening again. It's even worse now since most of my close friends are away. But I don't know whether it's me who has finally been disconnected or maybe it's always been like that without me realizing it. While leaving is not on option, and if i actually leave, where can i go anyway? Even if i desperately want to. So i guess i'll just be here for the remaining time until it's finally time to leave. And all i can do now is to stand strong and hold my head high all the time.

Becoming older made me able to think more rationally, i guess. I'm still super sensitive but at least i'm able to control my emotion a LITTLE bit better now. I don't know whether i've actually become a real adult *teehee* or i'm actually changing into a better person than i used to be. It's extremely hard to do this, but i think if i were able to survive this, i would definitely be harder to be defeated  by the harsh living in the real world. *weird sentence but whocares -u-*

To me this hardship is really tough and torturous at the same time, but if i compare it to other teenager's problem it would probably be the least hard. That even adds more reason why this shouldn't be a matter of concern. Definitely.

Just like what the quote says, "life is full of ups and downs". Many problems exist in ways that we can't even imagine. But there's always the light of hope that makes us believe that everything's gonna turn well. And being able to follow that light is the hardest part that we must do. 

Well, that's basically how life works, which makes it really hard to live on.:)

Things can never be the same anymore now. Now i finally able to understand my own feelings. Then also, i constantly repeat to myself that i will finally find something better some time in the future.

One Night...

It all happened in just one single night. Not everything was bad but the bad things seemed to have overcome the good things..

Sorry for the very depressing intro, but i honestly don't know what am i supposed to do anymore, it's been a fun depressing day...

SO

Tonight was one of my closest friend's birthday celebration. And i happened to be one of the dancer for her party:D

Yes, we're getting to the fun stuff HAHA

Let's just say that the birthday girl is called I. so a couple of days ago, I has told me that my crush is gonna be at the party. Ofcourse i was excited at first, i mean, it's been long since the last i saw him:) But what i didn't realize was the fact that i also have to dance in front of him:|

I didn't think that he would actually be in front of me, seeing me dance but i was WRONG. He was right in front of me and O.M.G. All the dance moves that i've memorised the day earlier came into a HUGE BLANK. I didn't remember anything and my mind couldn't stop itself from being stressed out. Yes, i totally humiliated myself, in front of my crush, awesome.

Ok, i've accepted the fact that my image was already ruined. It's not like i expected something better either *sigh*

Anyway the party started and blablabla.. Somehow it was really awkward for me whenever he was near me:/ i guess i still KINDA idolize him lol

It sounds really creepy, but i couldn't help myself to not stare at him==" i know that i'm such a lame stalker but it was the only thing that i couldn't stop myself from doing it:>

So the night proceed well and yes he looked soo cool throughout the night and again, he's made another good impression~~~ Not to mention how well dressed he was tonight:D *totally exaggerating but whocares*

But for me, the best part was that i could finally listen to his voice. Again, why am i so creepy OMG

It was the first time and i was somehow happy because of that... weird meee~:DDDD i guess i have to thank I again n again for making all this happen to me! *hugs*

There are still alot of things that i'd like to talk about him but i don't wanna bore u with all the facts why he's so admirable and stuff:)

moving on to the second thing.

A really bad thing has happened to one of my closest friend. I'm not gonna say a name and i feel so sorry for her:( She kept blaming her self and didn't stop crying again and again. And as usual, as the most useless friend in the world, i didn't know what was the right thing to say or what can i say to cheer her up.

It was really sad for me to watch her suffer like that:( I really suck when it comes to consoling upset people. Since i'm not exactly that smart or knowledgeable about human psychology.......

But i hope what i did was enough.. I tried my best already, by giving her my useless advice and i can't do anything else besides wishing her nothing but happiness:D

anddd finally the last thing that had happened tonight...

On my way home, i got a message from my teacher, asking whether i've received a mail or no. Then it hit me, i remembered what I said that she was very worried for this week because this week was the final decision whether you were gonna pass the grade or NO. And i remembered her saying that if she got a mail, it would mean that she has failed.

Instead, i was the one who was screwed.

My mind went blank all of a sudden. I didn't know whether i was supposed to be happy or to be sad. I mean, if i didn't pass the grade, i would probably be transferred to the bilingual class. I said to myself that i was prepared to do this since i got along with most of the people and stuff, but something in my heart felt like sighing again and again.

I guess what made me feel that way was the fact that I HAVE FAILED MYSELF. 

And it's not just me who i have failed, there's also my dad whom i've disappointed:(

But when i think about it again, i guess my dad would be happier if i joined the bilingual programmed since it would definitely ease his burden.

okay, end of stories~

In the end, i still believe that everything happens for a reason. Whether it's a good or bad thing, It all happens because it's what's good for me. According to God ofcourse..

I guess everything has its own positive side:) if i joined the bilingual class, maybe my life would change into a better one? maybe i'll gain more friends than before? And what's even better is that i don't have to take the stupid A level examination when everyone's already on vacation:p

AND i also have to remember that i have to thank God for the good things that have happened to me today:)))))))) yes, i guess i'm still very much happy about that~

So folks, whether you think that your life sucks very much now or no, you should read what i just wrote>:D it's not like i'm trying to show off or anything, but i hope i can help more people to try to do what i'm doing:) It's definitely a rough road, but we still have to face it with optimism in the end;;)

Ok, i guess that's the end for today's depressing yet pleasant-ing entry..

Hope u guys enjoy it and i hope it's also gonna be helpful HAHA

BYEEE

Ciaosuuu!~~~

The Future Is Waiting For Us...

Yes indeed, nobody can't deny that. The future is something that everyone is waiting for. And nobody knows what's gonna happen in the future, which concerns me even more...

So basically, i'm writing this because i just had an argument with my dad because i asked him something.

Why did i ask? The answer was simple, I was curious.

A few days ago, me and my dad met this agent from AXEL? to discuss about the result of test about my interest and personality 2 weeks ago..

So basically, the test's result was pretty accurate to me, especially about my personality. Not to mention about my interest, which mostly was about my choice of major for university.

It was nutrition/dietitian.. i was pretty happy with the result, since i know i love biology and nutrition but apparently, my dad didn't think so...

On our way back, i asked him about how was the meeting with the agent and stuff. I wondered about what did he think about me being a nutritionist and stuff. And after getting his answer, somehow i just got the impression that he wasn't all agreeing about the whole nutritionist stuff. I stayed silent, the end of discussion.

Moving on today, once again i asked him, why did he thought that being a nutritionist is good? Why did he say so?

And i got all the answer that i need.

Apparently, he was concerned about the tuition, since the agent said that it could be expensive.

He also kept talking about how in here, in my EFFING country, Nutritionists are still not that needed.

Then i answered back furiously, by saying that i don't even wanna live in this pitiful country anymore! I wanna get out of here, as soon as i can! but then he replied by saying stuffs that i didn't even listened anymore...

He was also talking about SOMETHING which practically meant that it didn't matter what kind of job women have, since they would finally end up stay at home and take care of their children.

I was offended. Like how could he say that? He doesn't even know a thing about me! Does he even know that i'm still considering whether i wanna get married or not? How could he know that i would quit my job just to take care of children that i might don't even want to have?

I'm sorry dad, but i'm just not that kind of girl/woman. I'm not an ordinary woman who's willing to do anything just to have a happy family with lots of children.

I don't even know what i want!

I don't even know what does my dad want me to be? A business person like my cousin? Not a chance. Well maybe after seeing me fail, he would actually realize that i can't do business, since i use my feelings A LOT.

but i know what i have to do to survive this cruel adult world. By having a decent job. And i have chosen what i wanna to pursue. What i want to be when i'm an adult.

Maybe, just maybe, i'll change my mind after meeting a guy. But still, i don't wanna be told. I don't care if nobody loves me because of that, but it's my FUCKING LIFE.

I deserve to be happy with my own way.. Maybe i'll have a family, but it doesn't mean i wanna quit my job just because of THAT.

My present self doesn't even like children now.. My friends told me like a thousand times already that my point of view might change after i have a children, but guess wat? I don't have one now and i do k now that i still don't like children even now...

I deeply know that God has a plan for all of us. Even the ones who don't really appreciate life, like myself. So why do i have to be worried? Why do people have to be worried when they know that their lives have already been planned by God. And they should also know that the mighty plan that He has made isn't just a plan, it's a beautiful master plan that God has made to make us happy.

I have been having a motivational problem, since i've been like more than lazy these couple of weeks. And the only thing that i could actually study and have fun at the same time is Biology. I love that subject, i do. And why is it so wrong?

I mean i don't wanna become an artisan, musician, or even actress, i actually wanna be a nutritionist which is actually pretty hard n cool and it just so happens that it's what i love to do. My dad should've been more appreciative, since  didn't choose majors like design, arts n stuff. Since i know that his narrow mind wouldn't believe that such majors would help me survive later in the future.

Sometimes i wonder, would i be appreciated if i were more normal? like other girls? my friends? who actually want children and have a big happy family?

Am i actually right about not wanting any children if i know that i couldn't be able to take care of them? People said that they don't wanna live alone and miserable in the future, so they MAKE children.

Well you know wat, i don't care about that.

Maybe i'll regret this decision SO much later in the future, but i still think that it's pretty selfish if you want to have children just because you don't wanna be alone when ur an elder.

I hope that i can actually find my real reason to have children. I really do hope so.

Am i just too careless to not fear the future? I don't even know if that's wrong or right.

But whatever happens in the future, i'll still appreciate it, i'll try my best to... because i know that it's the story of MY LIFE. and God has made the perfect plan to make it blossom into happiness that i can't even imagine.

When Things Have Become Clear...

I have to be honest, this post is gonna be very embarrassing... and very private.. but i want my future self to remember this moment, the quirkiness that occasionally happens in my life... It just means that i'm the one who's weird.. HAHA

So you see, the Major impact of PEDC, apparently is still within me...

And wat's worse? It was even following me around to the mighty Batu or should i say somwhere in Malang..:|

RITE, i should just get started..

I'm sure that most of my classmates and some of my friends alredy knw this...

Yes, i do have a crush on someone who i'm not supposed to like._. and FYI, he's NOT the one who likes my hairr~ 

K, why do i say he's not who i'm supposed to like? That's because he lives farfarfar away from where i live now.____.

Sounds sad, i know...

But anyways, i got this weird feeling out of nowhere.. i don't understand why i could develop such weird feelings and stuffs=="

i mean, when i met him first, i felt nothing. there was even no INSTANT CRUSH.. like wat i've always had when i think a guy's my type:p

So, basically, i kinda had a crush on me, by my super "sesat" assumption actually.. i might have assumed that he has a crush on me which actually caught my attention and not to mention the TEASING! he was teased by his friends n stuff n it got me thinking that wat i thought was actually true...

but well, this is just purely my misguided untrue presumption..... so please forgive my full of myself attitude=)

And this secret of mine was officially exposed on the mighty Malang Trip.. when i was playing TRUTH N DARE w/ my classmates._.

and i'm gonna stop talking about him cuz it'll just make me even moree depressed n stuff...

cuz i think i like him n it's such a shame to let him get away so easily._______. plus, i think he's nice n fun 2 talk 2... well at least thts wat i think ehehe and if he's meant 4 me, mayb we'll meet again in d future! ha! just kidding:P

RITE, so folks, unfortunately my school life isn't getting anybetter! My scores for the examination was horrible as predicted.... and not to mention the school works that are piling up for every each day..

I know it was the time for me to finally be more diligent, but i just can't and i don't know why..

Maybe that's because i can't overcome my own laziness but that's just purely B*llsh*t...

YEa well, this year is definitely not my year, but i'm just hoping that i could actually survive the year and move on safely to the next one... HAHA

ok so, there are 2 things that i'm kinda excited for tho! which are!:

1. O's dinner party

2. Owl City's Concert w/ O! HAHAHAHA

Yes, i'm super pumped and i totally can't wait~

butt before that, i have to work on my school probs n stuff and try to get my mind off u know who:D

So i'm just gonna stop now since i'm getting more and more sleepy now so bye!

Ciaosuuuu~!!!!

The Ferris Wheel Of Your Life...

Hiiiii~ AGAIN!

It's been almost a week since i last updated, so i decided to update again now.. perhaps._.

anyway.... this one mighty entry is random, seriously....

Well, i mean, it's more like what i've been thinking of.. or things on my mind?:/

Anyway, let's just get started:)

So FOLKS, have you ever felt that u think u don't have a talent on anything? or like ur not good at even ONE single thing? Well, i hav:) a loooooooot of times fyi...

Indeed, sometimes i feel worthless n needless to say, i kinda have a loser-like-mental.. #ouch

But it's true tho! I sometimes gave up first before even trying... i also think that i'm not really capable of doing something extraordinary, except for the future tho... hihihihi but it's just one of my impossible dreams:)

SeE? i'm being pessimistic, AGAIN.

Well, how can i not think this way? i'm not really good at both studying or sport, i'm really slow at understanding things, i'm kindaaaaaa deaf, i'm slow n well, let's just say etc.....

It's like, i haven't found my speciality yet or something.___.

n yeah, i feel kinda worthless because of this...

Indeed i know that this is wrong... i shouldn't be this way... I mean, maybe i got other good things about myself, which i dun even know what it is...

But eventho i didn't realize it, it doesn't mean that other people don't rite?;;)

N also, this entry was inspired by today actually:p

since well.....

today i had the mighty biology test... n well, i didn't really screw up i think?:) but i still dunno... things can happen anyway...

BUTT that's not the main point~!

We also had this mighty speaking test which was about introducing urself n blablabla..

it's in B.I. btw.....

n as i expected! i screwed up again my fellow readers!!

i couldn't remember wat shud i say, i was super nervous, n it was super awkward.. talking about urself in front of the class=0= n there was lots of laughter.....== super embarrassing, seriously..

n well, i overall think that others did much better den me... like MUCH BETTER...

why is this expected again?

well, this is because of my super laziness fellas! on sunday, i watched "SOUL EATER" for the whole day then i studied biology for like, an hour only== #sighing

there's something wrong with me definitely... hihihihihi

Butt den the UNXPECTED thing happened...

When the teacher informed us about our marks, truthfully, i didn't really wanna hear it ...

cuz i know i screwed up so bad...== n it'd be xtremely embarrassing to have d lowest mark in d class... just like wat i did in chemistry:( #istillhatethatsubbtw

N WOW...

apparently i got the highest mark._____.

i dun mean to b arrogant, but i just couldn't believe it...

i dun know if the teacher actually felt sorry for me or something==

OR

maybe there's still something good about me after all...

n on that moment, well, i was grateful, really grateful... for my only God...

for making me this way...

i'm not exactly perfect, i knw that perfectly... but i still have something tho... i have something good about myself... n that really makes me feel happier about today:) #n it's not like i was also sad today anyway haha

this also made me realize that maybe i am capable of doing awesome great things like i want to, but i just have to try n do my best!:)) #this sounds so cliche

Ah, b4 i end tis entry, let me tell u a bit about my school life too:)

i've been meaning to say this but it's just kinda weird for me to say this but, I MISS MY BUDS==

i miss my crowded class, i miss the noisiness, i miss the fun atmosphere, i miss everything...

I dun mean to complain tho... cuz this is totally normal #ithink

i mean, i used to have these many people around d class n i was able to talk to so many people...

n well, it's kinda diff now:(

i'm kinda/prettyyy sad about this, but life must goonnnnn #sighing

But it doesn't mean that i dun enjoy my class now...

let's just say that i have adapted;;) n a good thing about having only 5 people in the class? i could joke around again n again w/ the teachers... eventho it was kindaaaa weirdly funnyLOL

butt i still miss my pals:"((( #sighing

i'm seriously sighing wayyyy to often... well, life has probs n that's wht makes it beautiful!~#singinglalala #WTFFF

k den, i gotta go now....

i got a math test tom n i think i'm gonna fail:D #PESSIMISTICAGAINHAHA

but i'm gonna do my best tho:") Wish me luckkk<3

i'm gonna go for real now!

Ciaosuuuu~!!!!

It Has Been A Month Already...

#sighing

seriously, i really am doing it now...

Well, it's just been a very busy week n also tiring too... being an A Level student is definitely no more joking around .__.

n guess wht? i did a math quiz today n i probably screwed up but who cares.... i was too panicked to even do the question:(

So... let me just start by telling u about my life now... which was pretty much tiring n weird...

butt, i got a veryy good news tho! i mean life's been pretty much frustrating, but my mom just got back from the mighty USA so all those frustrations have gotten much much better than before:)

What i've been trying to say is that,  the stuffs that my mom bought me made me feel better a bit about whole other things in my life... HIHI

SO, first of all  i wanna show my new mighty cd off.. GUESS WHT? my mom finally bought me Mindy Gledhill's album, "Anchor"! It's bought by mail order since it was so hard to find that CD...

but i'm sooo grateful that i finally have the CD now!<3

Again, my mom also bought some shirts for me, but only one shirt makes me very much excited...

I got a LAKERS' Tshirt too! YIPPIEE!! i'm just so happy about that one!:")

Hmm.. she got me a bunch of other stuffs too.__.

N!

There's fortune cookies too! i Had so much fun eating these!>:)The cookies r plain delicious n i just love reading the fortunes<3 It's cute:P

N there's one surprising souvenirs left for me!

Well, believe it or not, i just got a new digital hello kitty camera from a cousin that i didn't even recognize probably! i'm soosoooosoooooo happy about this one!

I mean, i've never had a camera before, so it was new! YEY

i'm not just grateful for the stuffs she's given me, i'm also grateful about the fact that she was able to return to my home country safely:D

K then, maybe this is it for now..  i got somethin else on my mind butt can't write it on this entry tho.. teehee!

i'll write em all later den i guess.....

so...

BYE for now! hihi

Ciaosuuuu!~~

Distractions By Sweets And Life...

Yeah, you could say that i've been very lazy to write this blog.. BUTT seeing my friend here who just started blogging like a couple of months ago have been soo diligently writing her blog, so i decided to tell something about my life again:)

Indeed a lot of things happened.. The one that i can't stop thinking about and also the ones that make me happy:)
Including the fact that the stupid report card has alredy been given to us! AND I PASSED GRADE 10 peacefully<3
THANK GOD:)

my marks weren't that wow-ing.. i mean at least now i'm able to go to A level! the mighty A LEVEL! hahaaha
yes i'm not kidding... i know the journey is not gonna b easy, but i just have to do this. I know i can and with God, what's impossible anyway?:DDDDD

K... EHM..
Done with the report card thingy and let's move on to the next topic:p

I've been busy with a lot of good happy stuff this week. It's summer after all! i'm so excited hahaha~
the start of this beautiful holiday is not that good though.. But i managed to get through all of em except for one effing thing which is personal and i can't stop thinking about it n kinda making me crazy:(
*this thing makes me unable to stop listening to Mindy Gledhill's songs=.=
sorry folks, i'm just not that ready to write about this prob.. so next time!:3

a.n.y.w.a.y! today my mom officially ciao-ed herself to the country i've always wanted to go... which obviously USA~!!! OMGOMG
I'm indeed disappointed the fact that i can't go. but i'll just let that go and just wait for my mum to come back and bring me lots and lots of souvenirs! SHE HAS TO! HAHALOL

so i think i should tell about how my day goes today huh?
so today's all about my day with VH n her sis! HAHAHAHAHA
it was fun indeed!!

we went swimming together, then even went to BSM!

DUUUDEEESS! we were so pathetically hilarious... LOL i mean, we purposely entered some high class stores that we can't even afford to buy! like Versace, Hugo Boss n lots of other stores.. i can only remember 2:|

here's the thing about today...
"WE ATE LIKE PIGS!"
it's true though hahaha

U see, first, we ate at this restaurant called "Plate For Me" and WOW man!
it was awsomely delicious...<333
we ate spaghetti pesto n pizza! YUMYUMMYY heheheeeee

but the day's not over yet!
we went to Bakerzin then, to buy some desserts! YEAAY

we were gonna eat souffle at first... butt guess what? the price was unbelievably expensive damn it!

and what's worse? the souffle that i wanted was not available.. so i decided to just buy a mango mousse..
it was sweet, mango-ish and tasty! i think!:)))

and sooo, VH decided to buy the raspberry souffle.. which was so expensive.. n not to mention... VERY SOUR-ish! LOLOLOL
B4:

After:

i can't stop laughing literally.. i mean the pudding-cake-like was delicious, i have to admit.. butt! the ice cream? UGH can't stand it at all!
it was super sour and bleeh..
my point is that: WE F-ING HATE IT HAHAHAH

but VH managed to eat em all which was amazed me actually:p

so we ended up walking around n around then without noticing, the day has ended....

YES today was good. n i can't thank anyone else beside my one and only God:) thanku...

K, so maybe that's all for today.. my eyes r getting sleepy n sleepier.. heheee

so c yall later! PEACE UP!




Ciaosuuuu~~!!!!

Sinking Slowly To The Bottom

K", so yeah holiday has already started...

I should be full of enjoyment and excitement all around, but i don't.

Soo, many things have happened this week n they're not all that good.

Plus, i did bad things, things that i'm not proud of, but i had to do it bcause i'm selfish and other reasons.

This is just the start of the holiday and i'm already this disappointed in myself. I hate me really.

You  see, my class here is gonna rent a villa in Lembang for all of us to stay there for a few days. It sounds fun doesn't it? Indeed i was interested... i mean, everyone's gonna join and i just hope that i can still have so much fun there.

Unfortunately, people started to bail.

and there's only a few people who are gonna stay in that villa.

Then it got me thinking, maybe i should bail to!

Then there i go so recklessly, bailing myself to go to the villa..

But things don't end there since my friend who's in charge of this whole thing said that she has paid the DP so people can't cancel.

Man, i felt so horrible.. i mean i dun even wanna go there but i still have to pay? it's such a waste of money..

I know that i'm being irresponsible, and i'm totally selfish. But i guess i'm also a human being..

And there are way more reasons that i dun wanna go thre, besides the fact that it's expensive, i may also have an event i have to attend which will cost more money to dad. I felt bad for him, i just bought a new phone and now i'm gonna ask him for more money? for the concerts and also the trip? HELL NO!

I feel horrible now as a result. Sometimes i wonder, why do i have to be this selfish? I'm causing problems for my friends and i just feel terrible.

Yes, i hate myself for that.. but then again, i have to do what i was supposed to do from the start.

I just hope she will forgive what i did and so does God. I hate myself for lying and be this selfish...:(

Anyway that's all maybe for today.. i'm not really in the mood to write things now, so i'll just continue sometime later hahaha

Ciaosuuu~!

It's Cold Outside and Inside..

I'm officially back again!

How r u readers? please don't be bored to read this full-of-bullsh*t-blog-about-me:D

I know i haven't put a lot of entries lately, i'm just... BUSY? *hell yeah!*

so anyway, i got tons of stuffs to tell now...

HMmm, so just yesterday i went out to ciwok w/ my friends to watch "the Mighty Hunger Games", well i guess dat's wat G n V called itLOL

but you see, after seeing the movie, i wasn't fully intrigued by it... maybe i'm just stupid to not understand the story, but i just don't get it til now...

My point is only that: THE FILM WAS OKAY...

p.s. i also think it'd be better to choose liam hemsworth as the male lead role and other female aside from JL for the female lead role*

Indeed i am evil... HEHE but my opinion is always honest if i'm talking about a movie:))

n yeah, i had so much fun yesterday... i ate this fish n chips dat i kinda forgot to take the photograph=_= but it was delicious... *yum"*

a funny moment of yesterday: G was soo persistent to take pictures with V.K. in front of the giant poster of the hunger gamesLOL wats so funny? the fact that V.H n i were trying to ruin the pics..ROFL

after d long day, i was then able to relax at home n watch american idol.. it's even unnecessary to ask about the fact how amazing Phillip Phillips was yesterday<333

BUT d day was definitely not over yet, since my dad decided to go to the church== the mass started at 8.30 - 10.30 and weirdly, I was not sleepy like at all! hehehe

I'm actually glad that we did go to the church yesterday, because after this long long time, i, the most idiotic n embarrassing person in this world, was able to see my first's crush's face again!>3< indeed it's embarrassing to write somethin like dat, but i'm just... floating..#wtf

moving on to today!

i had this dancing practice today n i was soooo tired.. BUTT, i was pretty gud actually... like not that bad HEHE

i had fun too! -> V.H. n i were able to highfive-ing on the air n we managed to waltz dancing for a while! #UNIMPORTANTSTUFF

den i went to my course, n i ended up being a zombie... i was so friggin sleepy, tired n starving..

anyway, the weather is cold as usual, n it's soo cloudy+rainy.. i guess wat my teacher said about this friday is true==

ok den, i guess dat's all to tell today, since i pretty much got nothing else to tell about....

quote of the day: "Everything that's happened in your life must have happened for a very good reason."

i'm taking off now!!!

Ciaosuuuu~!!!!

I guess this is called the moment?

Haaaa~... WOW

So sorry for the weird title, but i just wanna make a weird and eccentric title which should be interesting to be read? #WTF

Well i guess, my depression n frustration were finally away from me these weeks. I guess you can predict what does that sentence mean right? That's right. finally, after 2 months less of torturing, i can finally say : YES, I AM KINDA ENJOYING MY LIFE.

Yes indeed, it was still stressful as hell. Not to mention about math, physics, n evn worse, CHEM.

BUTT, i guess this new seating arrangement has brought me getting to know some people in my class:DD n yeah, it was fun, since i was able to talk so much about the stuffs i like which apparently are the same as theirs..:))

Ok, let me start from the first event. * but only d ones i remember*

So, let's just start w/ the happy-ing result of BI QT1! that's right! this girl got an 86 for BI!!! UNBELIEVABLE BUT TRUE

There were other results from quizzes of other subjects but they were not really disappointing or satisfying...

BUTT

i also got a hugely bad mark for Biology. Damn damn, that subject was supposed to be the easiest one n i still failed.... WTH is wrong w/ me?? UGHHHHH

NOW moving on to the fun stuffs i did today!! YIPPIE!

So today was the first day of QT2 and it was chem. just like i expected, i ruined it. i totally did. SH*T. i probably will got a 70 or something. and that was not just a prediction friends!

butt i've done my best, and yeah, i regret that i didn't study harder, i mean, i totally should've. *sighhhhhh

moving on from the long sigh....

So after that depressing test, i got math course, so i couldn't join the dance practice for something called PENSI which i totally know nothing about.

Anywy, some of my friends from my class have been planning this since 2 weeks ago, so we finally did go to PPJ together! YEAH!

eventhough it was kinda disappointing because we couldn't watch "The Vow". but we managed to go karaokeing though<333

ah, before moving on to the karaoke-ing, there's this awkward thing happened.

So when i arrived @ PPJ, i couldn't reach anyone's cellphone since it out of reach or something like that, so then i have to walked around like an idiot in PPJ to find them.LOL.

THEN, finally i found them eating @Kamikaze which i've been to before w/ Yo, Pad n Ter.Ha!

butt i couldn't eat there since they all shared a meal n i will feel like i'm a pig if i ate one portion alone hehe

So since Ve" was nice enough to accompany me to burger king to buy me some food, we went together there.

When we got there, we then met one of our classmate. n it was kinda funny actually, cuz 20 mins ago i was still w/ them studying math==

While waiting for my burger, we talked for a while and he then decided to call up his friends in starbuck to join us.

Damndamn, it became rather hard for me n V to go back to our friends. So after 5 mins or something, we decided to leave em...evil right?ROFL

*sorry if u don't find this story funny, but i still think it's very weird, awkward n hilarious*

But anyway, the journey continues.... *cool word huh?*

THen we moved on to karaoke-ing which was awesomeeee... i was like screaming all the time n it felt damn good....

but then after finished karaokeing, we decided to eat Cold Stone which later made my voice become kinda gone?! but it was fun:PP

and after my friend's forceful incitement, i decided then to bail on my guitar lesson to play pump. and it was tiring really.

And THEEND

from PPJ, i went straight to Mr.W to study Physics. and i started to become frustrated again since i couldn't i understand a thing about heat capacityT^TSOsAD #TRUTH#

after that i ate so much because of starvation and i then watched american idol!!!!!

Eventhough i missed to see my beloved Phil Phillips got through on top 10, but i am still so friggin happy for him!!!!<333

and now's the real THEEND:=)

i guess, i'll write something again tom. i got so much to talk about now... hahaha

quote of the day: "Happy n sad moments in life are variable, they can't be predicted n come to our lives whenever they want to. And if you managed to survive on sad situations, something good will happen to you soon"

sorry if the quote is weird, since i got nothing to be quoted you see.. HEHE

alrighty, that's all for today!

THX 4 reading n

Ciaosuuuu!~