Life.

Hiyaa~! it's been such a long time, I KNOW. But apparently laziness has officially taken over my life, like real bad. Well at the very least i'm still able to enjoy my life and survive with all this madness in the world lol. anyway, it's super late already but i really wanna write something up. I've been meaning to write this for in the past, but because i was still very much overwhelmed by the emotion so i decided not to. It's for the best anyway.

Basically now i'm in that situation when someone feels like that person doesn't belong anywhere. And the surrounding is just, awkward. How to say this, but it's the kind of feeling when you feel like isolated even if you're not actually alone. Like there's some kind of a barrier that you can't penetrate between you and others. Or probably we're just that certain kind of people that don't really get along with each other because we're so different. From our sense of humor to our personality. And those differences started the whole barrier thing from the start. And it sucked and sucks.

At least i'm a much stronger person now, emotionally i mean. Usually i easily broke down over stuff like this and it was really pathetic. Sometimes i couldn't even handle the emotion anymore, it was tearing me apart so badly. Most importantly, i became aware that i actually felt really empty inside. *wow that was deep lol*

It was hard living like that and apparently now it's happening again. It's even worse now since most of my close friends are away. But I don't know whether it's me who has finally been disconnected or maybe it's always been like that without me realizing it. While leaving is not on option, and if i actually leave, where can i go anyway? Even if i desperately want to. So i guess i'll just be here for the remaining time until it's finally time to leave. And all i can do now is to stand strong and hold my head high all the time.

Becoming older made me able to think more rationally, i guess. I'm still super sensitive but at least i'm able to control my emotion a LITTLE bit better now. I don't know whether i've actually become a real adult *teehee* or i'm actually changing into a better person than i used to be. It's extremely hard to do this, but i think if i were able to survive this, i would definitely be harder to be defeated  by the harsh living in the real world. *weird sentence but whocares -u-*

To me this hardship is really tough and torturous at the same time, but if i compare it to other teenager's problem it would probably be the least hard. That even adds more reason why this shouldn't be a matter of concern. Definitely.

Just like what the quote says, "life is full of ups and downs". Many problems exist in ways that we can't even imagine. But there's always the light of hope that makes us believe that everything's gonna turn well. And being able to follow that light is the hardest part that we must do. 

Well, that's basically how life works, which makes it really hard to live on.:)

Things can never be the same anymore now. Now i finally able to understand my own feelings. Then also, i constantly repeat to myself that i will finally find something better some time in the future.